khilaf

Assalammualaikum..

diriku ini seorang muda..
ilmu dunia akhirat ku tidak seberapa..
pemikiran ku juga cetek, maklumlah..
diri ini tidak sebagus mana.



ingin disampaikan nasihat ilmu,
nanti disalah tafsir pula..
maaf, bukan salah sesiapa..
diri ini yang khilaf..
maklumlah, diri ini muda..
diri ku tidaklah sebagus mana.

akal ku pendek..
laut untuk direntasi jauh sekali daripada hati..
sebab takut, diri ini masih muda..
hakiki nya masih tercari-cari..
jadi apalah guna untuk kata2 khilaf ini untuk didengari.

tapi, diri faham..
yang salah semuanya datang daripada diri..
maaf seribu kali maaf hanya boleh ku beri.

"sorrylah ye, aku tak sebagus mana untuk kata2 aku kau dengar.."

parappapapaaaa I'm lovin' it

I find it kinda funny how I could write when I am angry or upset. But I find it even funnier that I don't feel a thing but I have so much in my mind right now, I just feel like letting all out writing today. So here I am....

Syafiqah Fauzi

I wish I had said everything. I wish I hadn't held back the words that keep ringing in my head now. So I'm writing them here. These words are for you.

I met you and was instantly drawn to you. You were not funny but sarcastic and sexy and unattainable. I wanted to be around you, even if it was just to watch you from far. I wanted to just be around you. We had that moment one night (or maybe more -.-"), that moment where we both stopped and thought that maybe there could really be something between us. But it was unattainable. It wasn't logical. And yet I thought about you. And wondered what you were doing, and if you felt the same.

When it all ended, i called you. From that day on, you had me.

In the beginning of us it was not so great. I wanted to touch you, your hair and hold your hand and be in your arms all the time. I didn't see anyone else. And neither did you...for awhile.
But I saw what others thought. And I saw what others were saying. And I let it ruin us.

There was some point-

I'm starting to think you were solely put in my life to cause me heartache. Every time I think I have finally forgotten you- there you are right back in my life to remind me. Yet still, there are times when I wish you had picked me. You had the simple choice all to yourself- me or him. The ball was completely in your court. We were both recently out of relationships, which made everything fresh and exciting, but when he wanted you- you didn't just go running back, you sprinted. It all happened so fast you left me no time to react. I think you did it out of impulse because I know you regret it from time to time. But there it was, despite our undeniable connection, you picked him. You couldn't admit to yourself that you had fallen for me and I was so unexpectedly heartbroken I couldn't even fight back. That was it- you picked him and left me in a million little lonely pieces.

For weeks thoughts were constantly bouncing around in my mind about what I could have done or said to have changed your mind. Should I have told you that I loved you earlier? Should I have put my broken heart aside and fought for you? Or maybe it was just a lost cause from the start. Regardless, I hope you know that I would have been there for you whenever needed. Kind of like the night you were sick and I laid myself to your house- just because to pass you panadols. I remember one day when we were hanging out with the others by side the swimming pool, all of sudden you wanted to back home- and so I walked you down hill until you spaced out (I still don't know and couldn't careless why) crossed the road without noticing there was a car and it was about to run over you- and I pulled your hand then snapped you. I was always there, and always would have been. I know it was hard for you to let me go and sometimes you show that you haven't fully let go of me. You show it when I catch you looking at me. But despite all of those things, you didn't pick me. It was a leap of faith that I was asking you to take, but you just stayed planted on the ground.

I would have been with you, and given you all of me..but it would have never worked. We would have never worked. Being with you was amazing, being wrapped up in you was intoxicating. Being away from you, not hearing from you, knowing that your mind was everywhere but on me, was painful. You never told me you loved me, that you always could, and you would always hold a place in your heart for me, that I had made an impression there. But I was a fool to just believed the unpredictable body languages. It could be easier if you just say it clearly in front of my very eyes and ears. Was I just another dumb guy that tried to climbed your heart and just to get myself hurt by falling down again, only to get off and get back in line again?

It's been months now and I'd like to think those things I wrote up there.. do not matter to me now since that I've moved on just before you did. yeah I saw your status on facebook few days ago and no need to deny anything, that status is for me. Well congrats to both of us. There's nothing to be afraid and shame of. Some of your friends maybe will be reading this post or maybe not. I know some people will say hell yeah big deal, why can't he grow up and stop being so pathetic. But this is my blog and I may rant all I want. I couldn't careless if they wanna show you or not because I've moved on. And owhh, another thing is just do not spoil yourself up and go ruin your life. I wish you the best

Anyways lets change to the next topic shall we?

why am I so sad?

"Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, a Lover can warm your bed, but Lonely is the soul without a mate"

I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.

a journey..

*train to airport

*waiting my flight

*flight back to KL

at last! went to bandung and jakarta for a quick getaway. I had a really good and memorial time over there. Felt that 3 nights was not enough for me.

I took a train from KL central to Pasir Salak. From there, mount a bus straight to the airport. Then at Indonesia I used a lot of 'angkut' and taxi. I recorded video of my journey the moment from KL to Jakarta-Bandung and KL back, but sorry guys, can't show you the video. It just for my family though. Let myself, my family and God know what I did there.

Anyway, in simple words and short... there I'd done Spa for 2 days to relax myself and yes I enjoyed! Then I did something unusual for me... I went for manicure and pedicure..awkward but definitely fun!

owh yeah, I got pictures of me doing spa, mani and pedi too.. but they seem to be very embarrassing which I decided not to publish those pictures. -.-"

Nevertheless, alhamdulillah for the safe journey. ^^

Jakarta and Bandung

alright just few days left before I go to Jakarta and Bandung for a quick getaway. To be exact, 5 days which this coming Saturday. Argghh even thinking about it makes me become enthusiastic, I can't wait! The spa, leathers shop, unknown people, ladies... everything! and I am going alone without my family neither friends. After 2 hours of explanation about the true reason of going there.. mama and abah allowed me to go, but with a condition. I'll have to make my way to Jakarta and meet somebody first and only then I can go to Bandung. Fair enough to me. Nevertheless, syukur alhamdulillah for mama and abah did understand their selfish son. Thanks ma bah.

Some of my friends did tell me that it is not safe to go there alone.. and yes, I am well aware of that. But guys, can anyone of you tell me that Malaysia is damn safe? Now a days we often shocked by many cases saying robbery, rape, and such things. Plus the latest one is about the famous 'acid splasher'. So these are what so called safe? I'm not so religious type of man.. but if Allah does want it to be happen, when and where you are... it will happen, and of course the other way round too. So hopefully once I got there, everything will be fine.. insyaAllah.

I love money. $__$

wow! you have this! you have that! you have that car too!
you bought those things using your parents money? errr Okay. -.-"
bersyukur jelah kan dgn apa yg kita ada. ^^