I find it kinda funny how I could write when I am angry or upset. But I find it even funnier that I don't feel a thing but I have so much in my mind right now, I just feel like letting all out writing today. So here I am....
I wish I had said everything. I wish I hadn't held back the words that keep ringing in my head now. So I'm writing them here. These words are for you.
I met you and was instantly drawn to you. You were not funny but sarcastic and sexy and unattainable. I wanted to be around you, even if it was just to watch you from far. I wanted to just be around you. We had that moment one night (or maybe more -.-"), that moment where we both stopped and thought that maybe there could really be something between us. But it was unattainable. It wasn't logical. And yet I thought about you. And wondered what you were doing, and if you felt the same.
When it all ended, i called you. From that day on, you had me.
In the beginning of us it was not so great. I wanted to touch you, your hair and hold your hand and be in your arms all the time. I didn't see anyone else. And neither did you...for awhile.
But I saw what others thought. And I saw what others were saying. And I let it ruin us.
But I saw what others thought. And I saw what others were saying. And I let it ruin us.
There was some point-
I'm starting to think you were solely put in my life to cause me heartache. Every time I think I have finally forgotten you- there you are right back in my life to remind me. Yet still, there are times when I wish you had picked me. You had the simple choice all to yourself- me or him. The ball was completely in your court. We were both recently out of relationships, which made everything fresh and exciting, but when he wanted you- you didn't just go running back, you sprinted. It all happened so fast you left me no time to react. I think you did it out of impulse because I know you regret it from time to time. But there it was, despite our undeniable connection, you picked him. You couldn't admit to yourself that you had fallen for me and I was so unexpectedly heartbroken I couldn't even fight back. That was it- you picked him and left me in a million little lonely pieces.
For weeks thoughts were constantly bouncing around in my mind about what I could have done or said to have changed your mind. Should I have told you that I loved you earlier? Should I have put my broken heart aside and fought for you? Or maybe it was just a lost cause from the start. Regardless, I hope you know that I would have been there for you whenever needed. Kind of like the night you were sick and I laid myself to your house- just because to pass you panadols. I remember one day when we were hanging out with the others by side the swimming pool, all of sudden you wanted to back home- and so I walked you down hill until you spaced out (I still don't know and couldn't careless why) crossed the road without noticing there was a car and it was about to run over you- and I pulled your hand then snapped you. I was always there, and always would have been. I know it was hard for you to let me go and sometimes you show that you haven't fully let go of me. You show it when I catch you looking at me. But despite all of those things, you didn't pick me. It was a leap of faith that I was asking you to take, but you just stayed planted on the ground.
I would have been with you, and given you all of me..but it would have never worked. We would have never worked. Being with you was amazing, being wrapped up in you was intoxicating. Being away from you, not hearing from you, knowing that your mind was everywhere but on me, was painful. You never told me you loved me, that you always could, and you would always hold a place in your heart for me, that I had made an impression there. But I was a fool to just believed the unpredictable body languages. It could be easier if you just say it clearly in front of my very eyes and ears. Was I just another dumb guy that tried to climbed your heart and just to get myself hurt by falling down again, only to get off and get back in line again?
It's been months now and I'd like to think those things I wrote up there.. do not matter to me now since that I've moved on just before you did. yeah I saw your status on facebook few days ago and no need to deny anything, that status is for me. Well congrats to both of us. There's nothing to be afraid and shame of. Some of your friends maybe will be reading this post or maybe not. I know some people will say hell yeah big deal, why can't he grow up and stop being so pathetic. But this is my blog and I may rant all I want. I couldn't careless if they wanna show you or not because I've moved on. And owhh, another thing is just do not spoil yourself up and go ruin your life. I wish you the best
Anyways lets change to the next topic shall we?
Anyways lets change to the next topic shall we?